How Do You Handle Family Members With Differing Views On Therapy?
Navigating the choppy waters of family dynamics can be challenging, especially when it comes to therapy. This article sheds light on effective strategies for dealing with differing views on therapy, backed by expert insights. Gain practical tips for fostering open communication, resolving conflicts, and balancing the therapeutic needs of each family member.
- Foster Open Communication and Client Autonomy
- Transform Conflicts Through Visual Goal Mapping
- Embrace Multiple Truths in Family Therapy
- Blend Personalized Care with Family Concerns
- Balance Parent and Child Goals in Therapy
Foster Open Communication and Client Autonomy
When family members have differing views on therapy goals, open communication is key. I create a space where each person feels heard, helping them express their concerns and expectations. I also set clear boundaries, reminding them that the client's well-being is the priority. If appropriate, I explore why each family member holds certain goals--are they based on fear, past experiences, or a desire for control? Understanding these perspectives can foster empathy and collaboration. While alignment isn't always possible, I guide families toward respecting the client's autonomy and the therapeutic process. When needed, I reinforce that therapy is ultimately for the client's growth, not to meet external expectations. By balancing validation, education, and structure, I help families navigate differences while keeping the focus on the client's healing journey.
Transform Conflicts Through Visual Goal Mapping
When family members disagree about therapy goals, I've found that creating separate visual roadmaps for each person transforms these conflicts into meaningful conversations. I ask everyone to literally draw their vision of success, which often reveals that seemingly opposing goals actually share common ground.
I recently worked with a family where the parents wanted their teenager to "become more responsible" while the teen just wanted "everyone to stop nagging." During our roadmap exercise, we discovered both wanted more peaceful interactions - they simply defined the path differently. By focusing on this shared destination, we developed strategies that addressed both perspectives.
The key insight I've gained over years of practice is that conflicting therapy goals usually stem from different expressions of the same underlying needs. I make it a point to validate everyone's perspective before attempting to find middle ground.
This validation itself is often therapeutic, as family members feel genuinely heard, sometimes for the first time. When people feel understood, they become remarkably more willing to understand others - creating space for compromise that honors everyone's core needs.
Embrace Multiple Truths in Family Therapy
As a trauma therapist, I often encounter situations where family members hold differing—sometimes conflicting—views on what therapy should accomplish. In these moments, I center the idea that two things can be true at once. For example, a parent might express a strong desire for their teen to become more independent and resilient, while the teen may be seeking safety and validation before they can take those steps. Both needs are valid. Both can exist at the same time.
Rather than trying to "solve" the disagreement, I frame it as an opportunity for deeper understanding. I create space for each voice to be heard, using language that invites curiosity over criticism. I might say, "It sounds like you both want to move forward, but you're seeing different paths. Can we explore how those might both be part of the healing process?"
I also clarify the therapeutic frame and revisit shared values—such as safety, growth, and respect—which often helps families find common ground, even when they disagree on the details. When families feel heard and not forced into one narrative, it allows for more authentic engagement and often reduces resistance.
Differing perspectives aren't barriers—they're invitations. With compassion, transparency, and clear boundaries, we can hold space for multiple truths while still moving toward meaningful progress.
Blend Personalized Care with Family Concerns
When family members have differing views on therapy goals, it's important to listen to everyone's concerns while keeping the focus on the patient's needs. We guide these conversations by explaining the personalized approach we take for each individual, highlighting how we blend physical therapy with wellness practices to promote lasting recovery. By sharing success stories and showing how customized care helps clients regain independence, we reassure families that our holistic approach is designed with their loved one's well-being in mind. Ultimately, we work together to create a plan that supports both the patient's goals and the family's peace of mind, empowering everyone to move forward on the journey to better health.
Balance Parent and Child Goals in Therapy
As a therapist who works primarily with children and adolescents, family members almost always have different views of the goal for therapy than the client. As I am aware that the parent is the one who is ensuring the child or teen is coming to the therapy session, I want them to feel confident in my ability to meet their goals, while also not losing the child or teen's trust in me or the process. I often conduct the intake session together, so we can all discuss the differing views and how meeting different goals will impact each person involved. This helps to create and maintain open communication and allows me to show my commitment to the needs and wants of all involved.
Then, as we continue to work in a more one-on-one setting, I can remind the child or teen of the parents' goals and how meeting the parents' goals can also meet the child's. For example, "Jay, you keep telling me you want mom to 'get off your back'. Mom has shared several times that she wants you to keep your room clean. What if we all try an experiment? Let's spend 10 minutes each day picking up your room and show mom before and after pictures. Mom, I want you to give praise for any positive changes in the room. Then together we can track mom's responses and interactions with you, Jay. My hypothesis, or guess for the experiment, is that mom will be less on your back if you do some of what she wants."
I have found when parents or caregivers get a little bit of what they want from their child in therapy, they back off a bit more, and then the child can really focus on the goals they want to accomplish.
