What Unexpected Challenges Have You Faced in Family Therapy?
Family therapy presents unique challenges that often catch even seasoned professionals off guard. This article delves into the unexpected hurdles therapists face when working with families, drawing from insights shared by experts in the field. From addressing unspoken loyalty binds to navigating unexpressed emotions, these challenges shed light on the complex dynamics at play in family therapy sessions.
- Addressing Unspoken Loyalty Binds in Families
- Shifting Blame to Collaborative Problem-Solving
- Navigating Unexpressed Emotions in Family Therapy
- Reframing Parental Validation to Family Transformation
Addressing Unspoken Loyalty Binds in Families
One unexpected challenge I've encountered in family therapy is the unspoken loyalty binds that can keep family members from speaking honestly in the room. For example, a teen might minimize their own feelings to protect a parent from guilt, or a partner may hesitate to share frustration out of fear it will "pile on" to an already struggling family member.
When I notice this dynamic, I gently name it and normalize it as a common protective strategy in families. I often say something like, "Sometimes in families, we work so hard to protect each other that it becomes hard to be honest about our own experience." I then create space for each person to share individually within the group, reinforcing that everyone's truth can coexist -- and that honest expression doesn't mean blame.
Addressing this challenge directly has often led to powerful breakthroughs, allowing family members to shift from defensive patterns to more open, empathetic communication.
Shifting Blame to Collaborative Problem-Solving
One unexpected challenge I faced in family therapy was when a family blamed one person—often a child or teen—for all their problems. Initially, they claimed the child was misbehaving, but after a few sessions, it became clear that this person was being blamed for issues that actually belonged to the whole family.
To help, I had the family examine how they communicated and interacted with each other. I utilized tools like drawing a family tree (called a genogram) to illustrate patterns and roles within the family. This helped everyone recognize that the problem wasn't isolated to just one person. Everyone played a part in it.
I worked to create a therapy space that felt safe and fair, so deeper problems—such as conflicts between parents or stress passed down from older generations—could emerge. Gradually, each family member began to understand their role in the family dynamic and stopped blaming just one individual.
This experience demonstrated to me that when one person is struggling, it can be indicative of problems within the entire family system. Real change occurs when everyone collaborates and works together.
Navigating Unexpressed Emotions in Family Therapy
One unexpected challenge I've encountered in family therapy was realizing how often I, as the therapist, became the "safe container" for emotions that family members had never felt comfortable expressing to each other. I expected conflict, sure—but what surprised me was the depth of unspoken grief, resentment, and longing that would surface not in shouting matches, but in silence, sideways glances, or subtle body language.
In one session, a teenage son finally admitted he felt invisible in the family. His father's immediate response was a joke, trying to lighten the mood. It was a defense mechanism—but in that moment, it risked shutting the whole thing down. I had to pause the session, gently reflect back the son's vulnerability, and then support the father in recognizing how his humor was a shield, not a bridge.
We ended up doing some experiential work—family sculpting, role reversals, even a bit of narrative reframing. But most of all, I had to model attunement and emotional risk-taking myself, as a man in the room who was inviting other men and boys to do the same. It was uncomfortable, but powerful. That session shifted the dynamic—and over time, created more space for connection without defensiveness.
Sometimes the real challenge isn't getting families to talk—it's getting them to feel safe enough to say what really matters.
Reframing Parental Validation to Family Transformation
One unexpected challenge I've encountered in family therapy is when parents seek validation more than transformation. In some cases, particularly when referred due to a child's behaviour, parents unconsciously hope the sessions will confirm that their approach is right—rather than explore deeper relational dynamics. I began to notice this pattern when progress stalled and defensiveness crept in during gentle attempts to introduce new perspectives. To address it, I shifted to curiosity-led questioning, normalised the discomfort of change, and framed growth as a shared process rather than a critique. I also integrated psychoeducation about family systems to help parents understand patterns without feeling blamed. This approach created a safer space for reflection, allowed for more collaborative conversations, and ultimately led to more meaningful shifts in how families related to one another.
